the habit...

Fighting me for control, it's difficult to contain these voices to keep them at bay...

It's like a pain that burns my emotional self to black coal which still continues to seer into me.

One side is fighting for me to cut again, and the other, is calling out NO, and the more the one fights, the softer the other gets, different kinds of pain are the rsult of putting everything into keeping that "NO" voice alive...

Is it the exhaustion, is it the fact that i'm not able to be the way i want to be?

Feelings of failure, depression, anger, irritation, agitation, frustration, disorientation and pain increase everytime that "no" voice takes a hit, and the hardest thing is keeping it alive long enough to get through this.. if that's even possible...