i feel like running away... so over life at the moment. i just wanna die... please can someone just kill me? seeing as no one wants to help me? depression, if this is called a state of mind, then how come it's so hard for me to change the state of my own mind into something that could help me? Is thee no way for a person to just be happy instead of this constant feeling of sadness and peril? or is it just me who goes through all of this unreal reality in which i was put here for other peoples good and not my own... helping others is a good thing, agreed, but then it's not always the other people that need the help, i need the help too.
Ever had a suicidal thought? i have them all the time. when i'm in bed, to when i'm getting dressed. from when i'm on the way to work, to the time i'm sitting in the office putting up a fake happiness to cover myself up. from the moment i leave the office to the second i put my head on the pillow of my bed to sleep. it's like a sickness or an addiction. why though, do i crave the constant adrenalin rush that this physical pain induces. it's pure pleasure for me. as close as i'll ever get at the moment to being happy...
how can a person admit this to everyone they know? pure madness? or is it just an unreasonable cry for help that no one ever listens too..
for the victim of this addiction. It could be both.
I know for me it's a mixture of the two because as much as i hate hurting myself with physical pain. i love it. Is there something wrong with me? or is there nothing wrong at all? can i ever be happy about me? or am i ment to be this way?
random i know, but how do i express this differently?
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