over views and rated things that aren't cool

I think it's all because of that dam over easy dog poo poo that things are so bad now a days...

How the hell am i supposed to get through this shit?

so the spear burns right through my chest.

The spears has struck me, sliced and burnt its firey hot blade through the flesh and bone of my chest. Burning and damaging one forever. 

How dos't one stand again and again? It used to be out of stubbornness That one would get up and fight, trudge along with these spears sticking through ones burnt and partly destroyed soul and body.

The pain is almost unbearable yet easily concealed because of the past experience. The past holds not only it's own spears but death and mass destruction.

So the current pains are easily extinguished by the blood and spoils of the last 

war which consumed not only one's mind, body and soul. But ones sanity aswell.

How can one forever stand again and again?

Is this not madness? Is this not stupidity?

Sometimes it is thought that this is strength, but is strength not being able to push aside these

wounds and heal? For the strength one is currently is accused of is not that. One's second face is that which creates such illusion to the outsider.

The distinguished and yet so randomly placed heart that was left to rot in a concrete block, pushed itself out for one last breath of love. And instead it was pierced by yet another spear.

For this reason, why enter in to any sort of bond?

For it is that same bond that might kill your mind, soul and body.

Ultimately cause a cease in existence.

Blink 182?

Blink 182 have to be the best band ever! I have yet to come across a band that can excite me with their music even in their emotional tracks like "stay together for the kids" and " I miss you ".

BLINK 182 ROCKS!!!

so fuck you!

How can one not see but feel as though it were there?

 

The grass greener than ever, the sky clear and blue as though

painted by the worlds happiest person on a warm spring afternoon in a

 field populated by various types of

 flowers and a river clearer than air.

 

Yet, we look not at the beauty but at the damaged. For this artist,

tall and slender, long flowing red hair and large brown eyes, sits

by her canvas. Staring blankly at the empty apparatus. Her mind,

although on the outside is filled with warmth, beauty and love.

Is crowded and consumed in sadness, hate and pain.

 

Tis on the note of a birds chorus hat she picks up her brush and paint,

and begins to alter her world around her.

As she paints the sky, she depicts strong black clouds. The grass of

her painting is dead and yellow, the soil dry and bug ridden…

the flowers are now longer large and full of lively colour but

dead and

surrounded by weeds. The tree is her picture, is not like the

one under

which she sits. Strong, brown and green as the grass, bearing

fruit that looks tastier than ice cream on a hot summer afternoon,

it is instead a

horrible shade of gray, bare and fruitless.

Her river is dry as the desert, instead of green shrubs

there a bare, black roots dead and bent over the

empty gully that sweeps through the little valley…

And under the tree, she paints a girl. Red hair, brown eyes

and a blue dress, but she does not alter the girls appearance in

the way she has altered everything else. Instead she

creates a glow of light…

 

Our artist then takes this picture filled with all pain, hurt

and sadness to her father.

When asked about the girls under the tree that seems to have a

glowing aura.

The reply was simple.

 

“ Without the hope of one, all would be covered in darkness.

But with it, there is still some light. ”

 

light is something our artist will never see. For she was the last of it. 

smell not eh earth but her love, for it is more prominent than any soil under our feet

Tis on a happier note that I write that this time. Life being what it will

and it’s meaning being the mystery that it is had only urged more of

 me to want to rebel and fight back. For it is because one can not take

 life for what it is, that one had become so stubborn as to not let it get

 the best of one, all the time.

Rather than that. I shall not give up on the one to whom I refer to

 as “Angel”.

Not for the reason of being afraid of losing against life by making

plans, but for the reason that I would rather risk it all to be with

the one to whom my heart belongs. Than to let life beat me completely.

 

I say this because without her, life is not my challenge, it is my

empty goal. When I am away from her, I miss her to the deepest

extent, the length of which, shatters a heart into pieces small enough to fit

through the eye of needle.

It is not hope that encourages me to fight for her, but love

that promises me she is there.

 

An assortment of flowers? A dozen roses? No a single rose.

No, not even a single rose has enough red in it’s blood red colour

to show the perfect love I have for her. Neither rose nor orchid

are perfect enough to display or prove the ever lasting commitment

I would so gladly give to her.

 

Nothing will stand in my and nothing will make me run from it.

She is all that keeps me going and all that shows promise that

maybe god has not left this horrible, evil filled place we call our world.

 

Neither harps nor violin can describe how beautiful her voice is..

Neither water nor light can describe her shining eyes..

Neither touch nor sight can describe her gorgeous lips..

Neither day or night can show the true extent of her love..

 

On that note. I end with a simple pair of three.

To Amanda

I truly love

Only thee.

 

trick of life is keeping you in it

So it was all just another game courtesy of this fucked up thing called life.

I was days away from "catching that plane that never has a return flight" when she  stopped me.

I thought this was real, only to find out after letting my walls down proper for the first time in 3 years that it was again "life" just taking it's toll.

Life is what happens when your making other plans - John Lennon.

I think the only reason life granted him a first class ticket out of it is because he figured out it's secret which is exactly what this statement is. Dont try to get out of life. Either just go do it, or rather try stay in it...

I'm not going to try get out anymore. I'm just going to do it. anyways, I'll let you know a day or two before my "plane takes off"...

 

must be love, love love

AMANDA!!!!!

Gosh, it’s like it was only yesterday you came up on my screen in blogTV as my co-host for the show…

And now? We’re talking about marriage and where we’re going to honeymoon.

 

How do I know this is the right thing, some people say it’s a feeling you get when your around them... so is it possible to 

experience this feeling 

when your not exactly around them?

I am in-love with Amanda, don’t for one second even think I’m not. But how do we know this is going to work if we’ve never met? If we’ve

 not even spent a week together let alone the rest of our lives…

 

For those readers that don’t know, Amanda lives in Florida. Yes Florida in the states… I know what your thinking, but your in SA how the hell can 

one be so silly to fall in-love with someone on the other side of the world when one hasn’t got the means to even go visit!!??

Well… I don’t really know…

It just kind of happened one day when I was sitting on blogTV and she looked straight into the camera, straight into my eyes…

 as if she could sense that at that very moment I was staring at her… it felt like everything stopped, like our eyes locked and all I could see was her,

 even if in reality she only glanced for a split second…

 

I know, I know… your think to yourself, wow, this guy really is a pathetitic idiot!

But, I love Amanda…

And even if there is no possible way we’re going to be together… I have to try…

If life were perfect, we would never feel pain. Not feeling pain,  that would be amazing, to be happy 24/7. But unfortunately in life, or shall we say in

 the great “pursuit of happyness” how does one ever really know if they don’t try?

 

The whole thing has been getting me really down but I’d rather not tell her because I know it would 

make her sad that I can’t see anything ever happeneing even though I’m trying every hook and loop I can find…

If anyone has any advice… please… you know where to comment…